It’s been almost a month since the rainbow I painted fades and my colorful world turns to black and white. People around me thought I still have that rainbow but funny coz it keeps on fading. I even thought that I am already okay but I am not. Maybe, I mastered this so called shit called “GOOD AT HIDING MY FEELINGS” It’s like I’ve been sleeping for years with this nightmare. I wanted to wake up but I just can’t
Whenever I close my eyes, all I can see are the things happened in that white room. A room full of downs. A room full of tears. A room full of nightmare. Closing my eyes is like me having no music to listen to, no light to help me see and no air to breathe.
It feels suffocating.
I’m still trying to paint and bring back the rainbow I painted. I will not stop even if im tired. I will keep trying, even if it fades. I will do my best Coz I know mama is there to help me bring back the rainbow I painted. And I know God is there too, because i let Him paint the rainbow with me. And I know someday, I will succeed in finding all the colors I’ve wanted to change in this black and white world I have.