“Wag ka ng umiyak, tanggapin mo na. Malulungkot siya kapag ganyan ka”.
People always remind me to stop crying or that I don’t need to wake up from this nightmare I’m into because this is the reality, i have to accept things and be fine. Minsan naiisip ko na people are just telling that to me kasi they are not in my shoes And still here I am, nodding to every single words they say. Smiling to everyone around me. Telling them to stop worrying because I am fine. they are all right naman, how will she rest if nakikita niya kaming depress? But you know, I am still in the process of making things better for me. Still in a process of decreasing the percentage of pain and loneliness in me. Atleast, there is a progress or I must say atleast i’m in a “process”.
There will be a lot of firsts, there will be a lot of changes. First time to celebrate any events, without us tasting the meal you’ve cooked for us. No, this is actually an everyday struggle for Papa to think what meal to serve everyday. To go on a Christmas shopping is harder than I thought, because every year I’m just waiting for you to choose the stuff you want while I push the cart in every corner of the store. Buying clothes and other stuff without me hearing your thoughts about it before I pay to the counter. There will be a lot of these and if I list those other firsts, it will took me forever just to finish this. Oh wait but the hardest part is, me not seeing your face anymore, me not hearing your voice and thoughts about my lame stories, like everyday you always wait for me to go home because you know I have lame stories to tell. And me not kissing your cheek before I greet you a Happy Birthday.
Every year, i always roam around the mall days before your birthday just to look for the perfect present but you always tell me, that we are the best gift you had and you will be having forever.
Don’t worry If you still see me cry while you are up there, don’t worry if i still call your name while hugging my pillow. I just miss you that’s all. Just hug me and pat my back coz I know things will be fine, it will take time but i will be fine.
This will be our first time to celebrate your day without your presence here but I know it is more fun to celebrate it in a stress free environment and ofcourse with God and the other Angels above.
Happiest Birthday to the best Mom.
Words can’t express how thankful I am to be your daughter. I miss you Mama.
I love you and I will never stop loving you. 💕